I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize