Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize