I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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