So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
