You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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