its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
