he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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