he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
