So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
