hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize