I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
