i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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