What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
