Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
