I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
