I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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