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Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
