I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
