Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize