Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
