Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
