you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
