It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
