I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
