Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
