Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
