I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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