Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
