I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she told me i tasted like america
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
