Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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