my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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