you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
