Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sorry about my life...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
