Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
