If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
