i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
