I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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