i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
