hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
