I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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