apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
