me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
