The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
