i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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