I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
