we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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