Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
