Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
