I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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