got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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