2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
