so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
