Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
