I puked a lego.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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