I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
