Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
