Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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