Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize