Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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