Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
