I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
