She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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