I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So I just went to clothing optional bar
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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