yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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