So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
