just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
