Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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