My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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