Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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