So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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