Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
