R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
