My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
