There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
