If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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