I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
