In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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