I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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