her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
