All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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