so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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