Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
