Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
