I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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