Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
