I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
