Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
