well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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