My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
