sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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