just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
