my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
