FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize