Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
